So let me give you one gist that my closest friend gisted me recently. This gist is so hot that my system can’t hold it within me again. The gister of the original gist insists that he remains anonymous as I gist the gist. The gist is about one particular photographer like that and another interesting pastor. Although he didn’t permit me to use the name of the pastor, he said I could use the person’s picture. Is your agbalumo and groundnut + pure water ready? Oya, let’s go there.
It started about 2 months ago. This my friend, let’s call him LABI, saw an interestingly non-pleasing picture of an 8-year-old being posted on WhatsApp status by a photographer whose attempt was to get more jobs as a result of the posting. By the way sef, the way some people post videos and pictures on WhatsApp status ehn, WhatsApp will soon ban Nigerians for oversabiness. Anyhoo, let me continue my gist.
Labi contacted the photographer to explain how such a picture didn’t seem too pleasing and asked if he had sought the parents’ permission before putting the picture out there. The photographer didn’t take too lightly the unwelcome comment made by Labi. Give me a minute, my stomach is doing me somehow, let me continue writing this gist in the toilet.
So where was I. Ok? As I was saying, that is how the photographer in question grammatically blasted Labi for not minding his business o. He was upset that Labi didn’t even comment on the good things about the picture and that he just mentioned only the bad things. Labi was surprised at the photographer’s surprising response and decided that since the photographer’s job wasn’t even going to help him (i.e. Labi) get one particular dream car – BMW 750i – perhaps minding his business will be better off. Labi decided to go for a sugarcane break and swore to the God that blessed the earth with the main ingredients that go into chocolate production that he will not give unsolicited advice or feedback to photography acquaintances or protegees EVER AGAIN.
Fast forward to 5 weeks later. The day was December 31, 2017. Approximately 8:23 pm. Give me a minute let me clean this my ear, it’s doing me somehow. Ok, I’m berra now.
As Labi listened to his pastor preach a message about the eagle, he was elated when the prophetic announcement was made that 2018 was the year of SOARING HIGHER. Labi jotted down in his 2017 diary (me I’m sha hoping someone will sha give me one 2018 tush diary so I can plan my destiny well this year) the facts about the eagle mentioned by the pastor. One fact stood out: AT 10,000 FEET ABOVE SEA LEVEL, THE EAGLE IS THE HIGHEST FLYING BIRD EVER RECORDED. “Ok now,” Labi exclaimed. Whatever the eagle is looking for at that height, Labi wanted to find out.
As was his custom is whenever he gets any new information about anything he didn’t know before, Labi immediately – well, not immediately sha, he waited till he got home after the service – consulted his professors at the University of Internet & Google, an institution of which he was currently enrolled as a lifetime student for a 70-year encyclopedic program. Labi was startled to eventually discover that this pastor don play penalty go throwing o. He discovered that the eagle was not even in the top 10 flying birds sef. Some other non-biblical birds like that have reached heights higher than 10,000 feet.
“How can we SOAR HIGHER in 2018 when we’re even starting the year with inaccurate facts,” Labi pondered while eating his new year sugarcane. How can small Labi correct this BIG man of GOD and not chop curses for committing such an abominable correctional crime? After consulting a few natural and supernatural authorities that be – on whether or not a small church member that was not even born when God called the MAN OF GOD, should now be correcting the MAN OF GOD – Labi decided to send the pastor a message through someone that can help sugarcane the information a bit.
That was how Labi approached the pastor’s wife to give her the gist of the Eagles’ 11th position o. That was how the pastor’s wife promptly replied with a message that almost made Labi cry had he not been engrossed in the chocolate he was busy eating.
Dear Brother Labi Lagbaja Tamedo,
Thank you for your observation and feedback. I just told him now and he quickly checked it out. He told me that he will address it and make amends next Sunday from the pulpit. Lesson learned. Thank you again for this. You are amazing. ?
After reading that reply from the woman of God, Labi decided that those two set of people – the pastor and his wife – were worth following for at least 70 more years. The next Sunday came. The correction was made on the prophetic altar to the hearing of thousands of people. As the pastor made the correction in all 4 services that Sunday morning, Labi could clearly see why this pastor and the photographer were miles apart: the pastor was humble enough to take correction even from a nobody while the photographer felt like nobody can….just fill in the blanks.
Anyway, that’s the hot gist o. Moral of the story is for you to make sure there’s always enough sugarcane to eat at home every day of this year so that your life will be full of sweetness. I think I’m mixing up two stories here. I must have taken too much sugarcane today.
Anyway, as for me – Seun Akisanmi – I’m grateful for people like Ada for correcting me on spelling FARTHER instead of FATHER. I’m grateful for people like Funmi for correcting me for using TRUE instead of THROUGH. For people like Adeola of the cameraman for correcting me for using ANYHOO instead of ANYHOW. For people like Ella for correcting me on using the word ESCORT instead of ACCOMPANY. I’m grateful for people like some people reading this for advising me to slow down on my sugarcane intake. I’m sha happy to know that I’m surrounded by people that will help me become as humble and great as Labi’s pastor and not like you-know-who.
Let me just go and iron my agbada that I will wear to church today and learn more about this Jeremiah 29 bird that will help me SOAR HIGHER this year as I start my year with the launching of my first book: TEARS OF A HUNGRY NIGERIAN ENTREPRENEUR.